Wednesday, 28 September 2016

11 Things You Learn As A Farmers Daughter

Being a farmers daughter heralds an upbringing which is significantly different from those who are brought up in a more typical environment. You know this and potentially sometimes resent it, but ultimately, you will always be grateful for being familiar with the following:

1. No boy will ever be good enough, unless he owns atleast 1,000 acres, ideally more.
Or, atleast a shoot on his land, if nothing else.
2. Or, if his parents know your parents. 
Your parents will have some connection with his parents, they may have gone to school together, or more likely they were in Young Farmers together back in the day....or, maybe they're related? In which case you should boycott that date. Do your research on your family tree when fraternising with local farming boys...
3. Vegetarianism is possibly the worst illness you could be afflicted with.
...and its probably not worth even mentioning Veganism unless you wish to cause a premature heart attack. Similarly, showing any sympathy for the animal on your plate is condoned inappropriate behaviour. 
4. A family holiday in the summer? Sounds nice, what is it? and, how do I get one?
One word, harvest. A summer holiday is entirely out of the question. Your school summer holiday compromises of sporadic trips on the combine and corn karts and listening to weather reports continuously. 
5. Mud. It tastes better than you think. It is also a fantastic natural fashion accessory.
Sometimes you cannot avoid mud and dust and a large quantity is inevitably going to accumulate on your car, clothes, shoes & just about everything inbetween. It gets to the stage where mud and dust is regarded with a similar indifference to a bit of loose thread or piece of fluff.
6. Practicality is key. High heels? Ill stick to the deck shoes, thanks.
If there is a choice, deck shoes will always triumph over any type of heel. Similarly many layers will always be worn opposed to tempting fate in thin clothing whilst bracing the elements. Its August and you are likely back in a coat already (you've probably been wearing your Schoffel all summer anyway).
7. Dogs are a mans best friend, and are permitted the same rights as you in the family ranking.
The dog likely has its own specified seat on the sofa, or even its own chair. It unquestionably sleeps on one family members bed and definitely eats better quality food than you along with endless treats. But, you do treat them with the same regard as your siblings. 
8. Horses are considered pests, and its only a matter of time before they meet the same fate as slugs and bugs with a nice dose of pesticide (or are accidentally mistaken in target practice).
You want a horse, your dad says they're nothing but trouble. You have a horse, but your dad will refuse to get involved with it. He will certainly not know your horses name, and may be able to tell you what colour it is at a push. But, your mother will continue to support you and your equestrian dreams.
9. Your car doesn't work? Park it in the workshop and come back later. 
Taking it to the garage costs money and everything always gets fixed in the workshop. The workshop also accommodates all the tools appropriate for fixing a tractor, or other machinery, so a car will be easy! You can't complain - its free.
10. There is absolutely no concern for your welfare. 
You don't come home after a party. No call, no text from your parents. You are still not back the whole of the next day, still no contact made. When all your friends are informing their parents of their whereabouts, you wonder if its a trust thing or whether they genuinely don't care (you hope the former).
11. Foreign countries are dangerous (foreign territory also includes the neighbouring village).
This applies predominantly to your grandparents, who are stuck in their old fashioned ways and deem foreign land to be a safety compromise. Foreign land includes the local town and anything that isn't the farm.

Does this sound familiar? Has anything been missed?

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